level headedness

another point to note. i realised that i nv had a childhood. it was not only the lack of play. it was more of the lack of dreams. i suddenly realised a moment ago why i did not have any childhood dreams or ambitions. it was very simple. dreams. i had a lot of them. but since young, every single one of them was shot down by my parents. they never failed to pick out the negative side of all my dreams, drench me with a pail of cold water and bring me back down to earth. hence, since a very young age, i was taught to rationalise and not dream. this perhaps led to the over rational and over level headed character deep inside me. i could hide all that. but i cannot hide the cynic in me, as people around me have probably realised. i have the same habit of dousing their airy fairy dreams. im not sure if its good to have dreams in this era where practicality reigns, but i really wanna have a childhood dream, or an ambition to power up my lethargic and meaningless life. i wanna experience the exhilarating feeling of having a dream. pathetic aint it.

trust

i was brimming over with emotions jus over an hour ago, but now i feel fine as ever, after being distracted by all the discussing and talking online.
my dad just said to me jus now
" you know, you will NEVER succeed, because you are never serious enough. you need to be serious, even when you do things you do not like, because its a responsibility." he was talking about my studies.
something my parents always say when i comment that they never trust me and my sis.
"what have you done for me to trust you?" what do you want me to do? your wants are endless. we are never good enough. we haven't even gotten into any trouble before. is it really that difficult for you all to place your trust in us?
as usual it arose from the issue of driving the car.and nopes it was not me. i was speaking up for sis, because i found it really senseless and next time im gonna suffer too.
"you know how fast she drives?" she aint that fast. you are slow.
"you know we are not as rich as your friends? their parents can afford to buy them new cars if they crash their car." bullshit.
"you know we only have one car? if she crashes it i cant drive to work anymore?" what makes you think she will crash it. what makes you think you wont crash it if u drive?
my question back to them
"you know she alr got her driving license for one year three months? and she hasnt even drove the car once without u sitting beside her breathing down her neck. and you say she is not ready to drive the car by herself yet."
my ultimate question.
when are you gonna stop treating us like babies? we've grown up, and we can take care of ourselves pretty well. since when did we get into any trouble? and a sub question. are academic results and trust so correlated? why is it that everytime i ask for more faith and trust, the reply i get is, look at your results. how can i trust you?